


I am not a stranger to the dark

by Meitanteieztr



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: And other people (mostly OCS), Dark fic, Depressed Gon, Forced internalized homophobia, Ging is an asshole (Shocker), Gon needs a hug, Gon speaks spanish and french, Homophobic Ging Freeccs, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I did say I was going to add more tags, Illumi is supportive in his own Illumi ways, Is that even a thing? Well it is now, Killua is 16 and so is Gon, Kinda rich Gon, M/M, Manipulative Boyfriend, Mito knows but she doesn't, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Sorry I meant extremely rich Gon, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Zoldycks aren't assholes, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Very dark Nightmares, and emotional help too, and explicit too, and she needs sleep, maybe? - Freeform, mentions of past trauma, protective killua, supportive boyfriend, very protective
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25903273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meitanteieztr/pseuds/Meitanteieztr
Summary: Killua stares absentmindedly at the window, waiting like the others for the teacher to enter the room.Everyone is talking to someone either discussing the classwork or the dope stuff they did Saturday. Overall, the atmosphere is pretty warm.He hears the door slide open and sees long hair.As soon as his cerulean orbs meet his golden ones, Killua knows the school year would never be the same.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Past Gon Freecs/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	1. The new kid

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bells and Whistles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634535) by [TwilaStar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilaStar/pseuds/TwilaStar). 



> Now go back and read the tags.  
> Once you're done re-reading it, you can read this.  
> This story was inspired by the amazing TwilaStar's Bells and Whistles. I literally cannot imagine how many times I read that story tirelessly. I really advise you to read it if you're looking for a good Killua x Gon fanfiction. It's got all. It's got music, friendship, drama, just the right touch of romance and never to forget our two oblivious lovable dorks. A bit of angst too. You never get enough of angst.  
> That being said, another thing that inspired this story, especially the title (finally decided one). After listening over and over again to this song. I found out it fit perfectly with our main protagonists so the title's inspired by [This is me](https://youtu.be/wEJd2RyGm8Q)

"Hey, y'all heard about the news of the new kid?" A voice says as the person barges into the room, interrupting everyone's conversation. 

Killua pretends not to know him as he continues staring absentmindedly at the window, waiting like the others for the teacher to enter the room. Everyone is talking to someone their conversations are the type you would hear teenagers talk about. Someone talking about the dope stuff they did on Saturday, the nerds talking about whatever nerds talk about anyways. Overall, the atmosphere is pretty warm.

He hears the door slide open and sees long hair tied in a ponytail and is immediately fascinated by this.

As soon as his cerulean orbs meet his hazel ones, Killua knows the school year will never be the same. The boy is ~~beautiful~~ , hot. He is absolutely stunning. The way the sunlight hit his tan skin made it glow, making him look ethereal. A dark turtleneck hugs his lean frame and ripped jeans with a Louis Vuitton keeping it firm to his waist. On his back was a case he assumes is a violin case. 

He misses whatever the teacher is saying completely, his eyes too focused on drinking every detail of the angel that just walked inside the room.

"My name is Gon Freeccs. Nice to meet you. I hope we can all keep away from ourselves this year and the ones to come." He says in a smooth silky voice and Killua falls in love with the sound immediately, wanting to hear more of it.

He notices the attitude of the class change and that is when he actually registers what the newcomer said. Now that he really stops to think, he is sure the boy is uneasy. 

He sees how he continuously clenches his hands, almost like he desperately wants to rub them together and he is fidgeting. Killua understands he doesn't like being starred at much.

Too busy with his thoughts, he doesn't hear when the teacher asks him to stand up.

"KILLUA!!!" He shouts and the silver-haired stands in surprise. 

He hears his classmates snicker at his sudden outburst _Assholes_ but he doesn't mind when he sees the beauty walk towards his seat and he understands. Once the boy is closer, he gets a closer look and realises ~~the boy~~ , Gon was even more ~~beautiful~~ , hot than what he thought.

His face looks like the moon personally gave her stars to adorn the already perfect skin. His eyes, oh God his eyes. There was simply no way to describe the spectacular orbs Gon called eyes.

"Ehm, am I right to assume you are Killua?" He asks and Killua unknowingly nods, too distracted by the golden specks his eyes.

The boy says nothing else and sits next to him, Killua doing the same and the teacher finally begins his lesson.

For the entirety of the lesson, Killua stares at the long-haired thinking he's being discreet. When the bell rings and it is time to go to the next class, Killua almost didn't notice until the pretty boy is out of the class but when he does, he runs after him.

"Hey, since you're new here, I was wondering if you would need any help to locate your next class." He asks and smiles gently at Gon.

What he doesn't expect is the frown and glare he receives in return. He sees in his eyes a dark gaze that doesn't suit him.

For a second he is taken aback by that response but when he sees the boy doesn't say anything, he takes it as an approval.

"Do you mind showing me your schedule?" He asks.

Gon nods and takes something from his bag then hands the paper to him.

Killua takes a moment to read it and notices their schedules are identical. That meant the boy took the musical course of Hunter High too. He really can't wait to learn more about this boy.

Killua looks up from the paper and notices Gon's slight tremble and his eyes flicker in confusion for a second but he shook it away and rotates his head towards the clock on the wall.

"Crap!" He exclaims, startling Gon. "We're almost late"

He grabs Gon's arm and starts to run towards the classroom. He doesn't stop even when the janitor yells at him to stop running in the hallways.


	2. Disgusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gon is new at Hunter High and meets Killua. He is fascinated.  
> But, his thoughts aren't so nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in the last chapter, this story was inspired by the amazing TwilaStar's Bells and Whistles. However, it's going to be very different (I'm not a copycat). Especially Gon. I'm sure you guys have already seen that my Gon ain't like Gon for now so yeah.  
> Btw, I'm not discontinuing this or any of my stories. I just have a really slow writing pace and life problems.

Gon stares at the new school he is going to be attending. It is obviously the prestigious Hunter High. What was he expecting? The great Ging-sama's son must not attend any peasant school now, would he? At least, it isn't a private school this time.

He shifts his weight to open the door but is unable to do so.

"Gon-sama, Master wants you to sign the contract before you leave so I'm afraid I can't let you do that." The butler sitting in front of him says.

Gon's frown deepens at those words and he forcefully takes the papers from him. For the entirety of the journey, the man has done nothing but annoy him by reading the terms of the contract. He knows he was only doing his job and it is illogical to dislike him but he hated how he has fallen trapped in That Man's webs again.

He quickly signs the papers and gets the hell out of the vehicle before he empties his breakfast on the back seat, violin in hand.

"Sir, do not forget you have to wear your gloves as stated in the contract." The man says opening the windows and handing him a pair of black gloves. He stares in disdain at them but wears them nonetheless.

As soon as he is facing the school, he watches as the limousine drives away and he removes the gloves, throwing them in the garbage, ignorant of the camera that catches him in the action.

He enters the building and is immediately greeted by a bespectacled young woman with bright green hair. She really reminds him of a dog but he doesn't judge. Not when he's been judged his whole life.

She is smiling and appears kind however he has learnt never to believe in appearances.

"Hello, you must be Gon Freeccs. I'm Cheadle Yorkshire, the principal's secretary," she introduces herself.

"Nice to meet you," he says simply figuring it would be a repetition to say his name once more.

"Please follow me so we can get your schedule. Classes are about to start."

He doesn't say anything and walks through the hallway alongside her.

Gon feels a little awkward so he looks around. The walls are decorated with all the art students' projects. They were magnificent. One, in particular, caught his attention.

The drawing shows a boy, a little boy, he has brown hair and his golden-green eyes. He focuses majorly on the boy's eyes. So bright, so innocent, so... free. He recognizes the person. 'So fan art is allowed huh'

He stares at it more. He wonders if he too would have to destroy everything to have his freedom. "Are you coming?" the female's voice sounds in his ears and he turns his gaze to her, his long hair following the movement and blocking his view for a second.

He moves it away and nods, following her again.

The acquiring of his schedule takes less than he expects. He looks at it spotting a "Hunter High's musical course" written in a bigger font than the rest and a golden colour. He isn't surprised. Music is after all the course Hunter High specializes in.

He remembers the extensive research he had to do when the man informed him of his new school a week ago. He rolls his eyes and shakes the memory away.

He looks at the woman who is staring at him in interest and asks her where the first lesson's classroom is. She doesn't reply but smiles reassuringly, taking his hand and leading him to another room. He is confused by her actions. Why did she smile like that? What did she know?

His panicked thoughts stop him from seeing where they're going clearly but soon, he finds himself facing a door with the writing "Teachers' office" and an unkempt looking man opens the door.

"Ah, Wing-san," Cheadle states in surprise, "I was looking just for you."

She then points to Gon and says- "This is Gon Freeccs, a new student in your class. Can you please take him with you as you're going?" She pleads.

Wing looks at him and his eyes glint in recognition before he smiles and replies positively to the request. Gon feels a little awkward during the walk but doesn't speak. He doesn't find a need to after all. They then stop in front of a door with the sign History 100. He quite likes the door as it is decorated probably by the art students. 

Wing opens the door and he follows the adult. Wing asks him to introduce himself and he does, never looking at their faces and highlighting the fact he wants to be left alone. He feels their judging gazes on his skin, already knowing what they're thinking.

_'So arrogant!' 'Who does he think he is?' 'Probably some rich stuck up brat.'_

Gon doesn't know it's just his brain putting those words in his head and doesn't see the worried gaze he receives from his teacher and classmates.

"KILLUA!" A yell startles him from his thoughts.

He sees the boy stand up abruptly and notices his spiky white hair. That feature immediately reminds him of the sky he saw in that drawing _'I wonder'._ He notices his other traits. His pale skin makes him think about his mother, she also had pale skin. Too bad he didn't take that from her. His eyes too, those blue beautiful eyes makes him think once more of the sky, _freedom_.

He feels his heart skip a beat and wills the feeling away. He's not meant to feel like this. It's disgusting, unnatural. He's not, he mustn't be _that_.

He gets closer to the boy's seat and notices the boy's gaze is focused on him but at the same time is not.

"Ehm, am I right to assume you are Killua?" He asks and sees Killua nod, still trapped in whatever trance he was in. He doesn't say anything and seats beside the teen, Wing finally starting the lesson.

 _'Music history,'_ he rolls his eyes- _'Just perfect'_

Before he realizes it, he zones out and starts thinking about other things when blue eyes jump in his thoughts and he starts blushing unknowingly.

The whole class stares at him, he doesn't mind. Killua stares at him albeit discreetly and strangely, he doesn't mind. He welcomes it even. 

No! That is impossible. He has been cured of this sickness. He cannot think of the same gender as he did before. It is absolutely not possible. He doesn't want to go through the cure again. He has to stomp this feeling before anything else happens.

Before he realizes it, the lesson is over and the bell rings. He stands up from the seat, walking toward the door when he hears steps running after him. The footsteps were rhythmical, in a 4/4 time, _Vivace,_ he figures the person is moving towards him quickly.

"Hey, since you're new here, I was wondering if you would need any help to locate your next class." He asks and smiles gently at Gon. 

Gon is taken aback by that smile and he feels as though an angel was in front of him and a mere sinner like him had no right to stay in his presence. 

He glares at the boy trying to push that feeling down and he sees blue widened eyes. He feels guilty and stops immediately.

"Do you mind showing me your schedule?" He asks again.

Killua stares at the two papers for a while before his mouth shifts to a happy grin. He wonders why. The white-haired boy turns to the clock on the wall and exclaims, startling him- "Crap! We're almost late"

He grabs Gon's arm and runs through the hallways.

Gon wants to say he doesn't like the contact. That it disgusts him, it makes his skin creep. But he can't. He's used to lying to himself but when it comes to Killua, his whole body, even his mind refuses the lie.

He is getting sick again. That repulsive feeling is coming back again.

It disgusts him. He disgusts him. 

He hates himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to vote and tell me what you think. 
> 
> Oh Gon my poor baby. It's just the first chapter and there's already so much angst. I am a really bad person. So this chapter was kinda Gon's view of the previous chapter. This is the only chapter that I'll make like this because it's too stressful to repeat things.
> 
> I just felt it necessary for you guys to see my babies' point of view when meeting for the first time. So yeah that's that. Nothing more to say.
> 
> Have a good day/night.
> 
> I wonder if you notices the reference or if you jus skipped past it like I do most of the time.

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am starting another story cause my mind can't keep itself in one place. (Kill me please)  
> As you may have noticed, this is a Highschool Au.  
> Read the tags they're there for a reason.  
> Gon is rich, Killua is too (The Zoldycks are always rich).
> 
> This story is rated 18+ for the explicit stuff you gonna find in later chapters so if you don't like it, please, kindly click the exit button.  
> I'm saying this because I don't want people to bitch at me for stuff I already said.  
> But Eztr, why are you writing mature stuff when you ain't 18 yourself?  
> Well, I can't exactly control how my brain works now can I? And if she decides to be older than its actual age, who am I to stop her?


End file.
